I have never been great at updating this blog but I have had the itch to just write and thought about this trusty old blog and thought I would start. Will it be 1 for the year, 1 a month, more, less? Who knows. All I know is right now writing is on my mind so that is what I will do.
Hungry, Humble, and Happy...three words that have stuck with me lately. I heard them on a podcast on my commute to work and is something I have been thinking about. We have had another amazing year and there are so many blessings in my life that it can be overwhelming at times. I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately and trying to figure out 1. How did I get so lucky 2. What is my purpose in life 3. What is true happiness?
These questions are something that go through my mind daily. Reflecting on not only this past year but the past few years, I have been reminded on the journey I have been on and how it has molded me into the person I am today and taking that to look forward on who I want to be in the future. When I am old, who do I want to be? What do I want to say about my life? What do I want people to remember me as? What has made me successful thus far in life and what do I need to improve on in order to become better? Through this, I realized there are three things I want to truly be. Hungry, Humble, and Happy.
It is all about perspective. With all the negativity going on in today's world, it is easy to get sucked into it. I had to finally stop watching the news because I was getting more anxious for what this world is becoming and was finding myself being more negative than I normally am. I like to consider myself as a positive person but I was realizing that I was turning into more of a negative person. I started looking at who I associated my time with, how my conversations with people were going and what I noticed is I would spark conversations complaining about something rather than talking about something positive. It is easy to complain. That is what the majority of our society talks about. Once I realized this I immediately wanted to stop and noticed how often I did it. It would be little things. Someone would complain about their husband and I would follow it up with a pet peeve of mine that Cody has. I started thinking, why would I speak negatively of my husband? Or why would I complain about Madison and her tantrums to people? I would rather praise them and speak highly of them because I am damn proud to be part of their lives. I decided that it needed to stop. I want to spend my time counting my blessings not complaining. This sparked my interest on what is true happiness. Is it making a lot of money? Being successful in your career? Losing weight? No. That isn't. So many people spend their time thinking, if I just get that promotion I will be happy. Once I make this much I will be happy. When I lose those last 15lbs I will be happy. Basically, if I do x then I will be happy. But that isn't true! Once we achieve something we are already looking for the next thing. Once we get that promotion, we are already looking to grow. Once we lose the weight, we want to tone it up even more or lose just another 5 pounds. Once you win a competition, you are already looking for the next thing. Most people base their happiness on achievements. Heck, I have as well. But that isn't true happiness. Happiness is about the journey. Happiness is counting your blessings and choosing to be thankful in the present moment. To be fulfilled in the day to day. Yes we should still strive for goals but we shouldn't base our happiness on getting to the end because at the end of it all most people lose that happiness within a matter of minutes. For example, and I am going to use crossfit. Goal: "I will be happy if I am in the top 200 for the open" You accomplish that and are happy but that happiness lasts a matter of minutes? Maybe hours? Then it is shooting for the next goal for the next season. You aren't truly happy. You were happy to achieve it but it didn't make you happy. Happiness shouldn't be about achieving the goals. We should still strive for our goals but not under the assumption that it will bring happiness. Instead we should choose to be grateful, give back, and build strong relationships through your journey.
One thing I have implemented into my daily routine is writing in a journal called the 5 minute journal. It forces you to start your day thinking about 3 things you are grateful for. The first few days it was super easy to come up with very obvious things. My family, health, job, house, etc.. but pretty soon you have to think outside of that and really look for what you are grateful for. And what I noticed, I am grateful for A LOT! Rather than saying, I have to go to work today. NO, you GET to go to work today. It isn't I have to pick Madison up from daycare it is I GET to pick Madison up-and I have a car to do that with. It isn't I HAVE to do the dishes, I GET to do the dishes because having a clean house does bring me peace of mind and I am fortunate to have a kitchen, food, and dishes. I don't have to go to the gym. I get to go to the gym. Because at the end of the day so many people would kill to have my life. People are starving, homeless, living in a dangerous place and would happily switch me places. It is all about perspective and it has really changed my mindset. Just this morning I was waiting at a traffic light and saw a homeless person with a hungry sign. I normally ignore these but for some reason today I felt the need to roll the window down and give the $8 I had in my wallet. I gave it to him and said it was the only cash I had. He looked at me, took the cash, and started crying and saying thank you. It completely broke me. I wanted to get him in my car and take him to breakfast. But I didn't (Cody wouldn't approve of me picking up strangers). But, I have thought about him all day. Me just giving him that little cash brought tears to his eyes and he was truly grateful. PERSPECTIVE.
So, to end this long drawn out post, Hungry, Humble, and Happy. That is how I want to live. That is what I want to instill in Madison. I want to be that example. Every day when I drop Madison off we have a saying that goes: Be Sweet, Be Kind, Be Careful, I Love You. We have done it since she could talk and she says it without thinking. It ties right in with being hungry, humble, and happy and I hope she grows up with those values. With that, I will end this blog because I GET to go grocery shopping before GETTING to pick up Madison :)
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Excellence Not Perfection
It has been quite some time since my last post, but lately I have felt like writing and documenting our life so thought another blog post would do :)
Life is crazy as ever and lately I have been thinking about how much has evolved in the past 6 months, year, 2 years, etc...Some days it feels like Cody and I just graduated college and other days it feels like 50 years ago. We have both changed so much and grown and matured. Seeing where our life has lead us just solidifies that God has a plan for you and everything happens in his timing. I feel so blessed and grateful for the season I am in and for the job that I have. Being a working mom is so hard but is also so satisfying to me. I feel like I have found a job that I love and it allows me the flexibility to have a true work-life balance which makes being a working mom a heck of a lot easier.
Not long after Madison's first birthday, I took on a new job. I am still at Amazon but moved out of a recruiting role into an HR Business Partner role. Taking that role, I was so scared that I would be making a big mistake. I was comfortable in my recruiting job and have done that role for 5 years. I was scared but ultimately, I was not happy in my job and wanted a better balance, and wanted to work in a role I was passionate about and could have impact. When I interviewed for the role, I thought I completely bombed it. I told my husband, my friends that new, my family, everyone that it didn't work out. I remember when I found out I got the job. I was flying to Pittsburgh on a work trip. I thought about my career the entire flight. I was trying to figure out what was next for me since I obviously bombed that interview and was trying to determine how to get out of my current role so I could be happier and more fulfilled. When the plane landed and I turned on my phone I had a voicemail waiting for me from the hiring manager letting me know they were offering me the job. I was SHOCKED and so happy! Over the course of the next few weeks as I was transitioning, fear started to creep in. Thoughts like, what did you get yourself into, what if they don't like you, what if you fail came to my mind on a daily basis. I kept praying and trying to convince myself that God has a plan for me and this is part of that plan. He will be my strength and is opening up this new door for me for a reason. I started the role in the end of October and 8 months later I am so happy I did! It was the best decision for me. I absolutely love my job and am learning something new every day. I still worry that I am not good enough and put a lot of pressure on myself but I keep praying and trusting God to lead me in the right direction.
Why am I blogging about this? It has been on my mind lately of how much has changed this year. Madison is 19 months old and talking and running around constantly. I am in a job where I can work from home 1 day a week, and be home by 5 most days. There are occasions where I work at night or work really early or late since I am partnering with teams in other countries, but it is not an everyday thing and it is most definitely not an expectation. I feel like I am finally in a place of balance where I can be great at work while also being great at home. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect in all aspects of my life: Employee/Wife/Mother/Health and it can be quite exhausting to keep up with. I heard a quote the other day that really struck home for me. It was 'Don't aim for perfection, aim for excellence". I was listening to a podcast for working moms and when the person I was listening to said this, I had an ah ha moment. I may not be able to be perfect in everything (or anything for that matter) but I can be excellent. I can give my all and do the best I can every day in every situation. That quote is something I will be telling myself daily, or at least in every tough situation I am faced with. When I am home, I want to be excellent as a wife and mother. When I am at work, I want to be excellent. I want to have balance and not be frazzled and stressed out all the time. I want to find what I am passionate about and then take steps in doing that, Currently, in this stage in life, I am passionate on becoming a more confident woman. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman and I am passionate to do whatever I can to be excellent at that. I am finding that while I strive to be that person, I am focusing on the excellent part, not the perfection part, which gives me balance. By focusing on this, I am slowly building a confidence in myself I have never had and it brings an overwhelmingly amount of joy and peace that it is indescribable. This confidence is showing up in all aspects of my life including work. I am not saying every day is perfect because it is NOT and I get frazzled on a daily basis and just this morning I thought I was going to lose my marbles when Madison woke up at 5:30 and decided she wanted to be the boss and not get dressed today; but during those times, I say a little prayer and count my blessings and just smile.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2031:10-31
Life is crazy as ever and lately I have been thinking about how much has evolved in the past 6 months, year, 2 years, etc...Some days it feels like Cody and I just graduated college and other days it feels like 50 years ago. We have both changed so much and grown and matured. Seeing where our life has lead us just solidifies that God has a plan for you and everything happens in his timing. I feel so blessed and grateful for the season I am in and for the job that I have. Being a working mom is so hard but is also so satisfying to me. I feel like I have found a job that I love and it allows me the flexibility to have a true work-life balance which makes being a working mom a heck of a lot easier.
Not long after Madison's first birthday, I took on a new job. I am still at Amazon but moved out of a recruiting role into an HR Business Partner role. Taking that role, I was so scared that I would be making a big mistake. I was comfortable in my recruiting job and have done that role for 5 years. I was scared but ultimately, I was not happy in my job and wanted a better balance, and wanted to work in a role I was passionate about and could have impact. When I interviewed for the role, I thought I completely bombed it. I told my husband, my friends that new, my family, everyone that it didn't work out. I remember when I found out I got the job. I was flying to Pittsburgh on a work trip. I thought about my career the entire flight. I was trying to figure out what was next for me since I obviously bombed that interview and was trying to determine how to get out of my current role so I could be happier and more fulfilled. When the plane landed and I turned on my phone I had a voicemail waiting for me from the hiring manager letting me know they were offering me the job. I was SHOCKED and so happy! Over the course of the next few weeks as I was transitioning, fear started to creep in. Thoughts like, what did you get yourself into, what if they don't like you, what if you fail came to my mind on a daily basis. I kept praying and trying to convince myself that God has a plan for me and this is part of that plan. He will be my strength and is opening up this new door for me for a reason. I started the role in the end of October and 8 months later I am so happy I did! It was the best decision for me. I absolutely love my job and am learning something new every day. I still worry that I am not good enough and put a lot of pressure on myself but I keep praying and trusting God to lead me in the right direction.
Why am I blogging about this? It has been on my mind lately of how much has changed this year. Madison is 19 months old and talking and running around constantly. I am in a job where I can work from home 1 day a week, and be home by 5 most days. There are occasions where I work at night or work really early or late since I am partnering with teams in other countries, but it is not an everyday thing and it is most definitely not an expectation. I feel like I am finally in a place of balance where I can be great at work while also being great at home. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect in all aspects of my life: Employee/Wife/Mother/Health and it can be quite exhausting to keep up with. I heard a quote the other day that really struck home for me. It was 'Don't aim for perfection, aim for excellence". I was listening to a podcast for working moms and when the person I was listening to said this, I had an ah ha moment. I may not be able to be perfect in everything (or anything for that matter) but I can be excellent. I can give my all and do the best I can every day in every situation. That quote is something I will be telling myself daily, or at least in every tough situation I am faced with. When I am home, I want to be excellent as a wife and mother. When I am at work, I want to be excellent. I want to have balance and not be frazzled and stressed out all the time. I want to find what I am passionate about and then take steps in doing that, Currently, in this stage in life, I am passionate on becoming a more confident woman. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman and I am passionate to do whatever I can to be excellent at that. I am finding that while I strive to be that person, I am focusing on the excellent part, not the perfection part, which gives me balance. By focusing on this, I am slowly building a confidence in myself I have never had and it brings an overwhelmingly amount of joy and peace that it is indescribable. This confidence is showing up in all aspects of my life including work. I am not saying every day is perfect because it is NOT and I get frazzled on a daily basis and just this morning I thought I was going to lose my marbles when Madison woke up at 5:30 and decided she wanted to be the boss and not get dressed today; but during those times, I say a little prayer and count my blessings and just smile.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2031:10-31
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
I just want to start
this post off by saying, you moms that work..GREAT JOB! Especially those that
have more than 1 kid! I have been back to work for about a month and a half
now and it has been such a whirlwind. I seriously
have so much respect for working moms. There seriously is no time for yourself.
Shoot, shaving my legs once a week is a luxury now :)On rare occasions, there
are moments when you are alone, and you tend to savor every one of them and
truly appreciate them.
The first 2 weeks
back to work were the hardest. I spent the first week just trying to remember
how to use my adult brain again and not talk in baby talk to coworkers and just
show pictures of Madison. I actually rarely show her off at work because I don't
want to be that person AND lets be honest, I am the queen of baby posts on
facebook :). I called daycare 3x a day every day. By the end of that first full
week, they actually told me that they are really good about calling parents if
something happens or seems off (hint taken). The second week was tough but
easier. I made it a goal to not call more than 1 time a day to check in :) I am
fully transitioned now and only call daycare on days where Madison may have had
a rough night. Madison LOVES her
teachers and I know she is learning so much by just watching the older babies.
I miss her every day and it sucks dropping her off but the look on her face
when I pick her up is THE BEST and is the highlight of my day! Honestly,
sometimes it is nice that I am not spending my day changing diapers and talking
to a baby but come Friday all I want to
do is snuggle her. If we could all just have 4 day work weeks that would be
perfect! :P
Working with a baby
and still nursing has forced me to become really good at multitasking and great
at prioritizing my time and being efficient. I thought I was good at those
things before but this is a whole new game. Monday-Friday is very structured for
me. That sounds impossible with a baby but it is pretty routine. A sample of my
day looks like this:
5:15-Wakeup to
pump/Get ready for work
6:30-Wake Maddy up
and get her ready for the day
6:45-Eat
breakfast/feed Maddy (my favorite part
of the morning since we can snuggle)
7:15-Leave for
daycare
7:30-Feed Maddy one
more time in the car to prolong that first bottle
8:15-8:30 Hopefully at work by now unless traffic sucks
8:15-8:30 Hopefully at work by now unless traffic sucks
9:30-Pump at work
(Amazon has a great mom room on my floor and I can work and pump at the same
time. SUPER CONVENIENT)
12:30 Pump at work
again
4:00 Pump 1 more
time if I can
5-5:15-Leave work
and pump on way to daycare (yes I pump in the car)
5:45-Pick Maddy up
and feed her
6:30-Workout (3
times a week anyway) while Maddy watches us in her bouncer or rides in her bob
stroller if we run and it is nice out
7:00-Shower and lay
clothes out for next day
7:30-Play with Maddy
for awhile/eat dinner
8:00-Nurse Maddy and
put her to bed
8:30-Prep bottles
for next day, pump, work, MAYBE watch some tv
or read
10:00 Bed
Very hectic and let
me just tell you-the stress that goes into pumping is insane. I am constantly
stressing if I am pumping enough. I get excited if I pick her up and she hasn't
used her "extra" bottle for the day and am honestly sad when she uses
it. But pumping and milk supply is a whole other post. As crazy as my schedule
feels, I know people who would think
this schedule is super easy compared to theirs with 2 or more kids! I am very
blessed in that most nights she sleeps fairly well. There are a few nights a
week (like last night) where she is up every 1 1/2 hours from 11PM on. This
equals VERY little sleep for me since her dad doesn't usually hear her (men
sleep like rocksl!). I try not to complain because every night isn't like that
and I know for some parents that is the norm but still, I get tired! I
definitely have my moments during the week when I am just plain tired, grumpy,
and stressed and start to sulk about how crazy my schedule is. I start making
excuses like "Ya I could workout everyday like so and so if I didn't have
a baby too" OR "If I had family around to help watch Maddy I could do
X too". BUT to be honest, as hectic as my life is, I wouldn't trade it for
the world. I signed up for this. I am ready for this. I honestly think it has
made me a more efficient worker during working hours because I want to minimize
working at night. I go to bed feeling somewhat accomplished and when I wake up
early to pump I think about why I do it. My world revolves around Madison and
she is growing so fast that I am actually cherishing the nights she needs me to
hold her all night because I know they will be gone one day (everyone tells me
:P). I hate it in the moment when I am sleep deprived and tired but I am
secretly happy that I get another night to do it. I actually hope I have a lot
more where she just wants to snuggle! My favorite part is smelling her sweet
scent and having her little baby hairs tickle my nose while her head is on my
shoulder and her arms around my kinked neck or clutching my finger or softly
rubbing my face with her little baby hands.
I do it all for
her-that beautiful little girl. Taking care of her is my purpose in life and I
would do anything in the world for her. I am happier than I have ever been in
my entire life and that is because the light in her eyes makes my world
brighter.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Postpartum Nutrition and Fitness
Lately I have had quite a few people ask me what I have done to lose my baby weight. I thought that I would just blog about it for whoever wants to know. :) Being pregnant with Madison, I gained a total of 29lbs. I was very proud of this because my goal was to not gain more than 40. I ate a pretty healthy diet and continued crossfitting 4-6 times a week up until my due date. The last month of pregnancy is when I really ate the worst and crossfitted about 3-4 times a week. I was lifting decent weight despite having a belly. I think the week before Madison came was when I did 145lbs front squats!
The first few weeks postpartum I lost most of the baby weight just through breastfeeding and probably just through my body going through so many changes. I would like to say that I ate healthy from day 1 postpartum but that isn't the case. The truth was that I really didn't have an appetite the first 2 weeks. They were kind of a blur and if my mom or Cody didn't make me something, I would seriously forget to eat. I ate whatever they gave me and drank lots and lots of gatorade. My food consisted of soups, toast, crackers, candy but I would only eat like 2 times a day. At 3 weeks my appetite came back and I was feeling a little more lifelike. I was within 4lbs of my pre pregnancy weight and was excited because I had lost all that weight without trying so losing the last 4lbs plus a few shouldn't be hard at all. WRONG. I should also note that despite losing the weight, my body still looked differently. I still looked about 15 weeks pregnant. I started eating a healthier, clean diet at 3 weeks. I followed a modified version of one of my Advocare Meal Plans. The biggest benefit I honestly got from this is that it reminded me I needed to eat so I never skipped a meal. When I started back up with Crossfit at 5 weeks postpartum I was discouraged that I hadn't lost a single pound since 3 weeks despite eating a clean diet. I decided to drop my portions to see if that changed anything and it definitely did. What changed though was my milk supply. It had dropped a bit. When I realized this, I had to make a decision. What did I want more? To reach my aesthetic goals or to continue breastfeeding my baby? I decided that as much as I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to breastfeed more. I love the feeling of breastfeeding. The closeness I feel with Madison when she is eating, and I love knowing I am giving her the best I can…that liquid gold :) I continued eating a clean diet following a modified version of an Adovcare plan, but ate larger portions than I normally would for my weight. I also incorporated more carbs. I also continued with crossfitting and noticed that as long as I am eating a decent amount, exercise does not effect my supply.
Currently I am 13.5 weeks postpartum and am 2lbs under my pre pregnancy weight. What do I currently do? I have continued eating a modified version of one of my Advocare plans. I follow the plan but eat a portion size above what I should be. I workout at least 4 times a week but try to get 5 if I can. I drink a TON of water. AT LEAST a gallon a day, usually more. I do take supplements that are approved for breastfeeding and I eat clean non processed foods. I do have cheats occasionally, but since January 1st I have only had 2 cheats. I don't even consider them cheats because the way I see it is a lifestyle. I eat good quality foods 95% of the time. The 5% of stuff I have that isn't clean isn't going to hurt my goals. If I REALLY want something, i will just get it. Typically this includes dark chocolate or chai tea lattes from Starbucks. Occasionally I will crave wine but because Cody is on a strict 24 Day Challenge I have held out since I don't want to drink alone :) AND, drinking wine and taking care of a baby don't really go hand in hand ;)
On a daily basis I eat eggs, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, veggies, turkey, chicken, fruit, and every few days some greek yogurt. I eat beef about 1-2 times a week as well. The supplements I take are magnesium, probiotic, Advocare Omegaplex, Advocare Catalyst, Spark, Vitamin D, Multi Vitamin, Calcium, and Fenugreek (for milk supply). I do eat Advocare's Muscle Gain for protein because sometimes I would rather have chocolate protein than meat for that source :) I enjoy the foods I eat and love the way they make me feel. Knowing I am eating clean whole foods that is getting into Madison's system through nursing is very empowering. I want to give her the best that I possibly can and by eating clean, I feel I am doing that. I also want to say that while this is based off a meal plan, I don't plan on stopping after x weeks. This is the way I eat and will continue until I feel I need a change. For now, I am happy with it. It may take me longer to reach my goals, but I will eventually get there and am definitely happy with the progress I have made thus far. Some days are harder than others and I feel discouraged but I know deep down that I need to just continue because that is what is best for Madison.
The first few weeks postpartum I lost most of the baby weight just through breastfeeding and probably just through my body going through so many changes. I would like to say that I ate healthy from day 1 postpartum but that isn't the case. The truth was that I really didn't have an appetite the first 2 weeks. They were kind of a blur and if my mom or Cody didn't make me something, I would seriously forget to eat. I ate whatever they gave me and drank lots and lots of gatorade. My food consisted of soups, toast, crackers, candy but I would only eat like 2 times a day. At 3 weeks my appetite came back and I was feeling a little more lifelike. I was within 4lbs of my pre pregnancy weight and was excited because I had lost all that weight without trying so losing the last 4lbs plus a few shouldn't be hard at all. WRONG. I should also note that despite losing the weight, my body still looked differently. I still looked about 15 weeks pregnant. I started eating a healthier, clean diet at 3 weeks. I followed a modified version of one of my Advocare Meal Plans. The biggest benefit I honestly got from this is that it reminded me I needed to eat so I never skipped a meal. When I started back up with Crossfit at 5 weeks postpartum I was discouraged that I hadn't lost a single pound since 3 weeks despite eating a clean diet. I decided to drop my portions to see if that changed anything and it definitely did. What changed though was my milk supply. It had dropped a bit. When I realized this, I had to make a decision. What did I want more? To reach my aesthetic goals or to continue breastfeeding my baby? I decided that as much as I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to breastfeed more. I love the feeling of breastfeeding. The closeness I feel with Madison when she is eating, and I love knowing I am giving her the best I can…that liquid gold :) I continued eating a clean diet following a modified version of an Adovcare plan, but ate larger portions than I normally would for my weight. I also incorporated more carbs. I also continued with crossfitting and noticed that as long as I am eating a decent amount, exercise does not effect my supply.
Currently I am 13.5 weeks postpartum and am 2lbs under my pre pregnancy weight. What do I currently do? I have continued eating a modified version of one of my Advocare plans. I follow the plan but eat a portion size above what I should be. I workout at least 4 times a week but try to get 5 if I can. I drink a TON of water. AT LEAST a gallon a day, usually more. I do take supplements that are approved for breastfeeding and I eat clean non processed foods. I do have cheats occasionally, but since January 1st I have only had 2 cheats. I don't even consider them cheats because the way I see it is a lifestyle. I eat good quality foods 95% of the time. The 5% of stuff I have that isn't clean isn't going to hurt my goals. If I REALLY want something, i will just get it. Typically this includes dark chocolate or chai tea lattes from Starbucks. Occasionally I will crave wine but because Cody is on a strict 24 Day Challenge I have held out since I don't want to drink alone :) AND, drinking wine and taking care of a baby don't really go hand in hand ;)
On a daily basis I eat eggs, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, veggies, turkey, chicken, fruit, and every few days some greek yogurt. I eat beef about 1-2 times a week as well. The supplements I take are magnesium, probiotic, Advocare Omegaplex, Advocare Catalyst, Spark, Vitamin D, Multi Vitamin, Calcium, and Fenugreek (for milk supply). I do eat Advocare's Muscle Gain for protein because sometimes I would rather have chocolate protein than meat for that source :) I enjoy the foods I eat and love the way they make me feel. Knowing I am eating clean whole foods that is getting into Madison's system through nursing is very empowering. I want to give her the best that I possibly can and by eating clean, I feel I am doing that. I also want to say that while this is based off a meal plan, I don't plan on stopping after x weeks. This is the way I eat and will continue until I feel I need a change. For now, I am happy with it. It may take me longer to reach my goals, but I will eventually get there and am definitely happy with the progress I have made thus far. Some days are harder than others and I feel discouraged but I know deep down that I need to just continue because that is what is best for Madison.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Madison Whitney Grant-Birth Story
I wanted to take the time to document Madison's birth story so that one day she has it. Not that I will ever forget it, and I am sure I will remind her of it at EVERY birthday, but she is currently peacefully sleeping in her swing and I can't help but think back to that day. This will be a long post so bare with me!!
Despite having a very easy going pregnancy, there was a minor issue with only having a 2 vessel cord which caused me to have weekly NST's (non stress tests) and growth scans starting at 30 weeks. Madison was measuring smaller than average and at 34 weeks was only at the 15th percentile. My Dr told me that at 38 weeks if she didn't show improvement in her growth, we would induce so I should plan for that. That appointment came, and I mentally prepared myself to potentially be induced that day. However, she showed progress and was now at the 38th percentile so no induction. Her due date came and went and there was no sign of Madison wanting to make an appearance. I was starting to get nervous because my dr was leaving the country on the 17th of October and the only day she was working between the 11th and the 17th was the 16th. I spent all this time trusting and getting to know her that I didn't want someone else to deliver Madison. I went to an appointment 4 days past my due date and we scheduled an induction for the following week. I was sad that it was going to be another week before they would induce and that she would not deliver Madison.
On October 15th, I was working from home and went on an hour long walk midday. It was sunny and warm for October and I remember thinking that if my water broke while walking I was going to have to call someone to pick me up because I wasn't close to the house. When I got back I decided to do a WOD (workout of the day) in the garage. This was all merely to help get my mind off the fact that I still had a week to go and who knows, maybe it would kick start something. :) I did 3 rounds of 400 meter walk on treadmill and 20 sumo deadliest at 75#. Then that evening I went for another walk and did 100 air squats. Cody made us a nice dinner of chicken on the treager and grilled veggies. That evening about 10:30 I was starting to feel something kind of weird. I was trying to time how often these weird feelings came but I was never good about timing any weird feeling. I never knew if they were contractions or just something to do with pregnancy. I told Cody I was feeling off and if I was timing correctly I was feeling this weird thing about every 5-6 minutes. He told me I should call the dr but I decided not to since they weren't painful. Oh, I should also note that while laying on the couch my dog started sniffing my stomach like crazy. It was like she was looking for something. SO WEIRD!! At 12:30 AM I told Cody I was still feeling those weird feelings but they were every 3-5 minutes. They still weren't painful but I decided to just call the on call dr just in case. She told me that if they got painful to just go in but otherwise just wait it out because it could be braxton hicks since I wasn't feeling pain. I decided to just go to sleep because I was tired of timing them and really didn't think it was anything. Well, at 1:50AM I woke up due to my water breaking. I remember running to the bathroom yelling at Cody that I think my water broke. It was all so surreal. I called the dr back and told her and she said to come in. I called my parents to let them know (they wanted me to call even if it was the middle of the night) and quickly jumped in the shower. Meanwhile Cody was in the bedroom CLEANING THE CARPET. LOL Only Cody…I still laugh at that. About 30 minutes later we gave Mia food and water and headed for the truck. I was sad leaving Mia and it was weird to think the next time we were home I would have a baby. I was finally starting to feel actual pain when we got into the truck.The pain came on quick and was all in my back.
When we got to the hospital and checked into triage they told me I needed to go walk around. This was at 3AM!! Were they serious?? We walked outside around the hospital in downtown Seattle with contractions at 3 AM!! The contractions were getting so bad and they were only in my back. I never felt any pain in the front. After our walk we sat in triage for a few more hours and then at 6:30 they got us our room. The pain was getting worse but I was holding out on getting the epidural. At 9:30 the nurse gave me some type of medication that was suppose to take the pain away but basically just put me to sleep for an hour. I woke up and the pain was unbearable but when they checked me I was only at a 3! I felt like such a wuss but the nurse did say back labor is worse then normal labor..maybe that was just to make me feel better. :) I wanted to hold out until a 5 or 6 so I still turned down the epidural. At 12:30 the pain was soooo bad that even trying to walk I would hunch over and the nurse and Cody would put pressure on my back. It was too uncomfortable to lay because again, all the pain was in my back. I decided to get the epidural at that time and OMG why didn't I get that sooner??? That stuff is AMAZING!! Getting it was super painful, especially since I had a contraction right when they put the needle in but it quickly disappeared. My dr told me I was still only at a 4. A 4?? That pain felt way worse!! She said I probably wouldn't have her until that evening. We prepared ourselves for a long day. I tried to get some rest and around 2:15 Cody went to get some food. My Dr came in at 2:30 to check me and I told her I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom and what I should do since I couldn't walk. She said I couldn't do anything and then when she checked me she told me I was a 10 and a +2 so I was having a baby within the hour! I couldn't believe it! I told her she had to find Cody and she had to leave to cancel some afternoon appointments. At 3:15 she was back and they were prepping me (Cody was back by then). I started pushing at 3:30 and Madison Whitney Grant was born at 3:50PM on October 16th, weighing in at 7lbs, 8oz and 20 inches long. She was beautiful and perfect.
5 days late but she decided to come when our dr could deliver which was perfect and 20 minutes of pushing was all I needed to get her out. I was definitely blessed with a great pregnancy and birth. Crossfit up until my deliver date definitely helped! It was so surreal. It felt like she was never going to come and then all of a sudden it seemed to happen so quickly. It was the best hour of my life when they laid her on my chest and I will never forget that feeling of seeing her for the first time. I love that little girl sooooo much! And to the women that choose not to get an epidural….WOW you are some TOUGH WOMEN!!!
Despite having a very easy going pregnancy, there was a minor issue with only having a 2 vessel cord which caused me to have weekly NST's (non stress tests) and growth scans starting at 30 weeks. Madison was measuring smaller than average and at 34 weeks was only at the 15th percentile. My Dr told me that at 38 weeks if she didn't show improvement in her growth, we would induce so I should plan for that. That appointment came, and I mentally prepared myself to potentially be induced that day. However, she showed progress and was now at the 38th percentile so no induction. Her due date came and went and there was no sign of Madison wanting to make an appearance. I was starting to get nervous because my dr was leaving the country on the 17th of October and the only day she was working between the 11th and the 17th was the 16th. I spent all this time trusting and getting to know her that I didn't want someone else to deliver Madison. I went to an appointment 4 days past my due date and we scheduled an induction for the following week. I was sad that it was going to be another week before they would induce and that she would not deliver Madison.
On October 15th, I was working from home and went on an hour long walk midday. It was sunny and warm for October and I remember thinking that if my water broke while walking I was going to have to call someone to pick me up because I wasn't close to the house. When I got back I decided to do a WOD (workout of the day) in the garage. This was all merely to help get my mind off the fact that I still had a week to go and who knows, maybe it would kick start something. :) I did 3 rounds of 400 meter walk on treadmill and 20 sumo deadliest at 75#. Then that evening I went for another walk and did 100 air squats. Cody made us a nice dinner of chicken on the treager and grilled veggies. That evening about 10:30 I was starting to feel something kind of weird. I was trying to time how often these weird feelings came but I was never good about timing any weird feeling. I never knew if they were contractions or just something to do with pregnancy. I told Cody I was feeling off and if I was timing correctly I was feeling this weird thing about every 5-6 minutes. He told me I should call the dr but I decided not to since they weren't painful. Oh, I should also note that while laying on the couch my dog started sniffing my stomach like crazy. It was like she was looking for something. SO WEIRD!! At 12:30 AM I told Cody I was still feeling those weird feelings but they were every 3-5 minutes. They still weren't painful but I decided to just call the on call dr just in case. She told me that if they got painful to just go in but otherwise just wait it out because it could be braxton hicks since I wasn't feeling pain. I decided to just go to sleep because I was tired of timing them and really didn't think it was anything. Well, at 1:50AM I woke up due to my water breaking. I remember running to the bathroom yelling at Cody that I think my water broke. It was all so surreal. I called the dr back and told her and she said to come in. I called my parents to let them know (they wanted me to call even if it was the middle of the night) and quickly jumped in the shower. Meanwhile Cody was in the bedroom CLEANING THE CARPET. LOL Only Cody…I still laugh at that. About 30 minutes later we gave Mia food and water and headed for the truck. I was sad leaving Mia and it was weird to think the next time we were home I would have a baby. I was finally starting to feel actual pain when we got into the truck.The pain came on quick and was all in my back.
When we got to the hospital and checked into triage they told me I needed to go walk around. This was at 3AM!! Were they serious?? We walked outside around the hospital in downtown Seattle with contractions at 3 AM!! The contractions were getting so bad and they were only in my back. I never felt any pain in the front. After our walk we sat in triage for a few more hours and then at 6:30 they got us our room. The pain was getting worse but I was holding out on getting the epidural. At 9:30 the nurse gave me some type of medication that was suppose to take the pain away but basically just put me to sleep for an hour. I woke up and the pain was unbearable but when they checked me I was only at a 3! I felt like such a wuss but the nurse did say back labor is worse then normal labor..maybe that was just to make me feel better. :) I wanted to hold out until a 5 or 6 so I still turned down the epidural. At 12:30 the pain was soooo bad that even trying to walk I would hunch over and the nurse and Cody would put pressure on my back. It was too uncomfortable to lay because again, all the pain was in my back. I decided to get the epidural at that time and OMG why didn't I get that sooner??? That stuff is AMAZING!! Getting it was super painful, especially since I had a contraction right when they put the needle in but it quickly disappeared. My dr told me I was still only at a 4. A 4?? That pain felt way worse!! She said I probably wouldn't have her until that evening. We prepared ourselves for a long day. I tried to get some rest and around 2:15 Cody went to get some food. My Dr came in at 2:30 to check me and I told her I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom and what I should do since I couldn't walk. She said I couldn't do anything and then when she checked me she told me I was a 10 and a +2 so I was having a baby within the hour! I couldn't believe it! I told her she had to find Cody and she had to leave to cancel some afternoon appointments. At 3:15 she was back and they were prepping me (Cody was back by then). I started pushing at 3:30 and Madison Whitney Grant was born at 3:50PM on October 16th, weighing in at 7lbs, 8oz and 20 inches long. She was beautiful and perfect.
5 days late but she decided to come when our dr could deliver which was perfect and 20 minutes of pushing was all I needed to get her out. I was definitely blessed with a great pregnancy and birth. Crossfit up until my deliver date definitely helped! It was so surreal. It felt like she was never going to come and then all of a sudden it seemed to happen so quickly. It was the best hour of my life when they laid her on my chest and I will never forget that feeling of seeing her for the first time. I love that little girl sooooo much! And to the women that choose not to get an epidural….WOW you are some TOUGH WOMEN!!!
Monday, January 19, 2015
A Baby Changes Everything
Looking at my last post, I can't believe it has already been a year! A lot of the goals changed for me pretty early on in 2014 because…I found out I was pregnant! February 4th I found out we were expecting. We were pretty surprised and it was the best news I have ever received! I remember the date because I am weird about dates AND it was 2 days after the Seahawks won the Super Bowl! I was feeling off during the Superbowl party we were at. Alcohol wasn't tasting that great to me for some reason and I chalked it up to overdoing it on our vacation in Mexico :) Two days later I decided to take a test and BAM I was pregnant! Turns out I was 5 weeks pregnant at the time. We were pretty shocked because we just assumed it would happen in the spring/summer. It was so hard keeping it a secret but we wanted to wait until the 1st trimester was over when the chances of miscarriage decrease.
Looking back on the year, it was such a whirlwind. Just watching my body change and learning about pregnancy and trying to prepare for a child gave me so much more appreciation for my body, life in general, and brought a whole new perspective on things. It is funny thinking about preparing for a child. I had all these goals for when I was on leave like working out at noon at the Crossfit Gym while she naps, doing an extra workout when she is home sleeping, getting projects done around the house, etc… Now I know why people with kids of their own kinda laughed and smirked when I would say that! Taking care of a newborn is LITERALLY a full time job! I never realized just how hard it would be. As a new mom you question everything you do, every choice you make. Am I feeding her enough? Am I producing enough milk? Is she sleeping enough? Too much? When should I start a schedule? Am I horrible for bed sharing? Will she ever leave our bed if I let her sleep with us now? Is something Im eating giving her gas? Does she have a temperature? and the list goes on and on and on! I am constantly questioning something and have tried really hard to stay off Dr. Google to avoid freaking myself out. I bought just about every baby book and realized they all say something different on what is right for sleeping, schedules, feeding, etc… and am FINALLY coming to the realization that I just need to go with the flow for now. What I thought was going to work didn't and what I thought I would do didn't happen.
So what has worked and what do I do? Well, what I can say, is that I have not gone to the gym at noon once since Madison was born, I have done an extra workout maybe 5 times and this is when she is still sleeping if I can get myself out of bed early enough. I mostly WOD when Cody comes home in my garage. We try to make it to the gym at least 2 times a week but it is solely dependent on if Cody can leave at 4 AND on how Madison has done during the day as far as napping or fussiness goes. If we can't make the 4:30 class, we don't go because we would just be stuck in traffic and that is a prescription for a screaming baby in a carseat. Some days, a shower is all I fit in. My goal every day is to have the kitchen cleaned and her stuff picked up by the evening when Cody gets home and I try to dust/vaccum at least once a week. I am just starting to try and get a routine going for Madison at 3 months since I will be going back to work next month. I am not sure exactly what will work and what that routine will be but am just going to do trial and error. She is getting better about being on her own playing so maybe I will get more done around the house but who knows. If it isn't rainy I always try to take her for a walk to get outside and I usually don't go anywhere except MAYBE the store when we need to. I go to a New Mom's Group every Friday which allows me to be around moms that are in the same boat as me.
Being a mom has been the toughest job I have ever loved and I can't even put into words the love I feel for Madison. Every rough night or day is immediately worth it when I see that beautiful smile. I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her and every day that love grows. It is an indescribable love and feeling that I have. It is a take my breath away, powerful, aching love that increases on a daily basis. She has changed my perspective and outlook on life; my identity, tested my willpower and patience, humbled me to my absolute core, impacted the way I see life and what my values are. It is always going to be hard but I am learning to manage my new role and gaining confidence every day. Of course that role will change as we grow (and when I go back to work next month) but I am excited for our growing family and the future we have in store! I am the happiest I have ever been and am just filled with so much joy and count my blessings every day! God is so good!
Sorry, this was a way longer post then I anticipated and who knows if I will keep up the blogging. This is the first one since LAST YEAR :) BUT maybe it will be one of those things I can do the rest of my leave at least..who knows…time to go feed that little girl now :)
Looking back on the year, it was such a whirlwind. Just watching my body change and learning about pregnancy and trying to prepare for a child gave me so much more appreciation for my body, life in general, and brought a whole new perspective on things. It is funny thinking about preparing for a child. I had all these goals for when I was on leave like working out at noon at the Crossfit Gym while she naps, doing an extra workout when she is home sleeping, getting projects done around the house, etc… Now I know why people with kids of their own kinda laughed and smirked when I would say that! Taking care of a newborn is LITERALLY a full time job! I never realized just how hard it would be. As a new mom you question everything you do, every choice you make. Am I feeding her enough? Am I producing enough milk? Is she sleeping enough? Too much? When should I start a schedule? Am I horrible for bed sharing? Will she ever leave our bed if I let her sleep with us now? Is something Im eating giving her gas? Does she have a temperature? and the list goes on and on and on! I am constantly questioning something and have tried really hard to stay off Dr. Google to avoid freaking myself out. I bought just about every baby book and realized they all say something different on what is right for sleeping, schedules, feeding, etc… and am FINALLY coming to the realization that I just need to go with the flow for now. What I thought was going to work didn't and what I thought I would do didn't happen.
So what has worked and what do I do? Well, what I can say, is that I have not gone to the gym at noon once since Madison was born, I have done an extra workout maybe 5 times and this is when she is still sleeping if I can get myself out of bed early enough. I mostly WOD when Cody comes home in my garage. We try to make it to the gym at least 2 times a week but it is solely dependent on if Cody can leave at 4 AND on how Madison has done during the day as far as napping or fussiness goes. If we can't make the 4:30 class, we don't go because we would just be stuck in traffic and that is a prescription for a screaming baby in a carseat. Some days, a shower is all I fit in. My goal every day is to have the kitchen cleaned and her stuff picked up by the evening when Cody gets home and I try to dust/vaccum at least once a week. I am just starting to try and get a routine going for Madison at 3 months since I will be going back to work next month. I am not sure exactly what will work and what that routine will be but am just going to do trial and error. She is getting better about being on her own playing so maybe I will get more done around the house but who knows. If it isn't rainy I always try to take her for a walk to get outside and I usually don't go anywhere except MAYBE the store when we need to. I go to a New Mom's Group every Friday which allows me to be around moms that are in the same boat as me.
Being a mom has been the toughest job I have ever loved and I can't even put into words the love I feel for Madison. Every rough night or day is immediately worth it when I see that beautiful smile. I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her and every day that love grows. It is an indescribable love and feeling that I have. It is a take my breath away, powerful, aching love that increases on a daily basis. She has changed my perspective and outlook on life; my identity, tested my willpower and patience, humbled me to my absolute core, impacted the way I see life and what my values are. It is always going to be hard but I am learning to manage my new role and gaining confidence every day. Of course that role will change as we grow (and when I go back to work next month) but I am excited for our growing family and the future we have in store! I am the happiest I have ever been and am just filled with so much joy and count my blessings every day! God is so good!
Sorry, this was a way longer post then I anticipated and who knows if I will keep up the blogging. This is the first one since LAST YEAR :) BUT maybe it will be one of those things I can do the rest of my leave at least..who knows…time to go feed that little girl now :)
Sunday, January 5, 2014
New Beginnings
I know this is a week late, but better late than never! I love New Year's. I always wake up New Year's Day refreshed and motivated. I am one of the many who writes down lists of new year resolutions...goals that I wish to accomplish over the next year. Do I accomplish everything on my list? No, I never complete everything on my list. But, I still try. One of my biggest goals in 2013 was that Cody and I had a number we wanted to see in our savings account and I am proud to say that we reached it. That was definitely the biggest goal we had last year and it feels great to accomplish it.
This year, as always, I have a new list. It is quite the list but I am determined to complete it. The one thing I am doing differently this year, is that I am going to set markers along the way to make sure I am on track and put a plan in place to help move the goals along. A few of my goals are below:
Health:
No Gluten
Limited Dairy (1-2xper month) unless meal shake or protein
Focus on cheat MEALS not cheat DAYS
The health goals will be tough but I will feel better overall. I feel like crap when I eat dairy and gluten. I don't want to commit myself to 100% because I don't want to set myself up for failure and some occasions may come up where I want to have a little bit, but the key is to keep those moments few and far between. I already eliminated them about 90% of the time so I don't think it should be TOO hard. Cheese is the biggest part of dairy that I will miss so that will likely be my 1x per month
Crossfit:
5-3-1 Wendler Program for Upper Body
Get HSPU and Bar Muscle Up
210# Front Squat
230# Back Squat
125# snatch
160# Clean and Jerk
I am going to commit to 2 strength days a week to accomplish these goals. In June I will reassess and if I am really close or if I have met these goals, I may increase the weight on this.
Personal:
Volunteer 1x per month
Church every weekend we are home/do not have plans during
that time
Read 10 Books
More organized with clothes/bathroom
Church is the biggest challenge for me. Our church got rid of Saturday night service and Cody and I have a hard time getting up to go to church on Sundays...we love being lazy on Sundays! I am going to start out with 2 times a month and then hopefully improve. I listen to Joel Osteen's sermons a few times a week to make up for not going but going or listening together will be awesome for us. God is something Cody and I want to focus on more as a couple this year. We were doing really well and then got caught with our busy schedules and noticed ourselves getting more distant from church. Whether it is church or praying together, we are definitely putting more focus on this as a couple this year.
As far reading goes, I am in the middle of reading 2 different books and am putting together my list for the year. I love reading. It is so relaxing and allows me to shutoff from my busy life.
Well, that is a hefty list and I am excited to see what I can accomplish off it. I think this is going to be a GREAT year for Cody and I and we are kicking it off with a bang by going to Mexico in 1 week for a much needed break from our busy lives!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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