A Baby Changes Everything

Looking at my last post, I can't believe it has already been a year! A lot of the goals changed for me pretty early on in 2014 because…I found out I was pregnant! February 4th I found out we were expecting. We were pretty surprised and it was the best news I have ever received! I remember the date because I am weird about dates AND it was 2 days after the Seahawks won the Super Bowl! I was feeling off during the Superbowl party we were at. Alcohol wasn't tasting that great to me for some reason and I chalked it up to overdoing it on our vacation in Mexico :) Two days later I decided to take a test and BAM I was pregnant! Turns out I was 5 weeks pregnant at the time. We were pretty shocked because we just assumed it would happen in the spring/summer. It was so hard keeping it a secret but we wanted to wait until the 1st trimester was over when the chances of miscarriage decrease.

Looking back on the year, it was such a whirlwind. Just watching my body change and learning about pregnancy and trying to prepare for a child gave me so much more appreciation for my body, life in general, and brought a whole new perspective on things. It is funny thinking about preparing for a child. I had all these goals for when I was on leave like working out at noon at the Crossfit Gym while she naps, doing an extra workout when she is home sleeping, getting projects done around the house, etc… Now I know why people with kids of their own kinda laughed and smirked when I would say that! Taking care of a newborn is LITERALLY a full time job! I never realized just how hard it would be. As a new mom you question everything you do, every choice you make. Am I feeding her enough? Am I producing enough milk? Is she sleeping enough? Too much? When should I start a schedule? Am I horrible for bed sharing? Will she ever leave our bed if I let her sleep with us now? Is something Im eating giving her gas? Does she have a temperature? and the list goes on and on and on! I am constantly questioning something and have tried really hard to stay off Dr. Google to avoid freaking myself out. I bought just about every baby book and realized they all say something different on what is right for sleeping, schedules, feeding, etc… and am FINALLY coming to the realization that I just need to go with the flow for now. What I thought was going to work didn't and what I thought I would do didn't happen.

So what has worked and what do I do? Well, what I can say, is that I have not gone to the gym at noon once since Madison was born, I have done an extra workout maybe 5 times and this is when she is still sleeping if I can get myself out of bed early enough. I mostly WOD when Cody comes home in my garage. We try to make it to the gym at least 2 times a week but it is solely dependent on if Cody can leave at 4 AND on how Madison has done during the day as far as napping or fussiness goes. If we can't make the 4:30 class, we don't go because we would just be stuck in traffic and that is a prescription for a screaming baby in a carseat. Some days, a shower is all I fit in. My goal every day is to have the kitchen cleaned and her stuff picked up by the evening when Cody gets home and I try to dust/vaccum at least once a week. I am just starting to try and get a routine going for Madison at 3 months since I will be going back to work next month. I am not sure exactly what will work and what that routine will be but am just going to do trial and error. She is getting better about being on her own playing so maybe I will get more done around the house but who knows. If it isn't rainy I always try to take her for a walk to get outside and I usually don't go anywhere except MAYBE the store when we need to. I go to a New Mom's Group every Friday which allows me to be around moms that are in the same boat as me.

Being a mom has been the toughest job I have ever loved and I can't even put into words the love I feel for Madison. Every rough night or day is immediately worth it when I see that beautiful smile. I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her and every day that love grows. It is an indescribable love and feeling that I have. It is a take my breath away, powerful, aching love that increases on a daily basis. She has changed my perspective and outlook on life; my identity, tested my willpower and patience, humbled me to my absolute core, impacted the way I see life and what my values are. It is always going to be hard but I am learning to manage my new role and gaining confidence every day. Of course that role will change as we grow (and when I go back to work next month) but I am excited for our growing family and the future we have in store! I am the happiest I have ever been and am just filled with so much joy and count my blessings every day! God is so good!

Sorry, this was a way longer post then I anticipated and who knows if I will keep up the blogging. This is the first one since LAST YEAR :) BUT maybe it will be one of those things I can do the rest of my leave at least..who knows…time to go feed that little girl now :)